2012

I watched the movie 2012 yestersday. Suddenly I had a strange thought. If the earth really disappears suddenly, maybe it's not a bad thing. There's anyway an end for everything. Maybe in this case human beings or the whole world can have a brand-new start. Human beings are too "polluted" these days....

心情

這段時間不停的在想
我是否值得繼續和他在一起
這樣生活下去...
對他我也不知道是有多失望
但要離開他嗎
好像還是捨不得
和這個男人認識了十七年, 一起生活了第九年
但到了今天好像才真正開始認識他

心真的很不踏實
腦海裏仍然每時、每分、每秒浮現著他這幾個月來對我的冷酷無情
對她的甜言蜜語
心真的很痛, 很痛

也不知從什麼時候開始
我開始瞧不起他
但我更瞧不起自己
為什麼我會變得那麼虛委、那麼懦弱、那麼沒志氣...

我知道下半輩子我都要生活在惶恐之中
我知道下半輩子我也很難再得到真正的快樂
有時我真的會想
是否應該給自已一次重生的機會
是否應該放棄執著

人生本來就是短短的幾十年
而愛情只是生活的其中一部份
又何須那麼在意、那麼強求呢
可能那些所謂的完美愛只有在小說中才會出現
更何況人生嘛, 總該是有高低起迭才現顯得精彩

隨遇而安吧
看看上天想把你怎麼樣...

Let go

I know if I give him a chance, that means I should learn how to let go those unhappy memories. I don't know if I am torturing myself or him, but if we continue like that, we won't be able to live this relationship...

Honestly, I still can't let go everything he did to me...
He doesn't only hurt my feeling but my dignity...
I am surprised how I can be so generous to forive him...
Maybe deep inside my mind, I do love him and our family so much...

The coming 28 November will be our 17th Dating Anniversary...
Yes, it's the 17th..
I've known this man for 17 years...
We experienced a lot, both ups and downs...
I felt very fortunate to know him...
I couldn't believe how God would let me meet such a nice guy
I thought I was the happiest girl in the world..
I thought if I married him, I would be very secure and wouldn't get hurt ...

However this sweet dream only lived for 17-year

I don't know how my dream will go on in the coming 17 years; 34 years, 51 years ...
Will it be a nightmare? Or still as sweet as the first dream?
I believe there's no one can give me a sure answer
I will take a bet ...
I will make an effort
If it finally turned out to be a nightmare
Then I should also have no regret
At least I tried; at least I've devoted myself to something that I thought I couldn't do...

Let's see if we could survive ...

快樂中的失落

其實快樂的定義是什麼呢?
能和自己喜歡的人在一起?
能看着自已關心、所愛的人健康快樂?
能擁有奢侈的物質生活?
突然間發覺快樂于我來說好像有點遙不可及

有時候你以為自已很快樂
但原來那是不忠于心靈所需的快樂
人有時就是有這種能耐
往往可以為了"大局"而犠牲自已
聽起來好像挺偉大
但可知這其實是最大的"欺騙"
也握刹了身邊人尋找真正幸福的權利...

或者不能和自己最愛的人在一起
而又要強裝深愛已在身邊的那個人
這才是最難扮演的角色吧...
要知道, 偽裝的東西是不會長久
偽裝的感情早晚是會露出破綻的...

快樂中的失落
如果明知道是快樂中的失樂
那又何須為了這個"大局"而委屈自己呢...
人生沒有多少個十年
人是應該為自已的幸福、快樂而爭取

雖然這可能會付出很大代價
雖然這可能有很大風險
但既然是自已所愛的
又何須計較
勇敢點吧...做一個忠于自已的人吧!

My first blog

Finally I have created my own blog. Honestly I was not so interested in sharing my mind with someone I don't know, but I do feel this need these days. There were a lot happened these days. I thought I could never be able to accept it, but finally I faced it bravely.

When I was young, I always prayed to be loved; to meet someone who really knows how to cherish me, love me, care about me... every time when I passed by the Budda, I would make such a wish...maybe I do need love. Maybe I do enjoy spiritual communications ...

I was quite naive as I thought if I married someone who loved me more than I loved him, then I wouldn't get hurt ....